it's bad to turn up to a dinner when your ex brings his new girlfriend
2005-05-14 11:03 p.m.

Nearly got to be a proper university official today, while officiating at a college degree lunch, because our praelector nearly didn't turn up in time. I'm not sure what the university would've had to say about some random junior fellow with no degree from the university, turning up in the senate house, doffing a cap i'm not entitled to wear, and burbling away "dignissime domine praesento vobis haes viros et hanc mulierem..." with a bunch of taiwanese MPhils hanging onto my fingers like so many fish on a line.
But thankfully it didn't happen so i had a game of tennis instead and then went off to teh club dinner, where i got stuck between a bunch of old codgers who've been at the club for 40 years and sat there making rude comments about jumped-up children as the 40 year old world champion made his speech.. they were all being nice to me bcause i was the only single female present and wearing a shirt that always gets a lot of attention from the blokes over the age of 60... but even discussions of the financial aspects of the pharmaceutical market, ethics of clinical trials, whther monoclonal antibodies will ever be used in africa for burkitt's lymphoma, south africa under Stevie Biko, and the rules of pelote versus racquets versus squash, began to pall, so i think i'm going off to do some work. Had left tomorrow morning free in case i needed to write it off after a riotous evening, but work will be much more productive........

my plans for a riotous evening were founded on the idea that k would be present, and on the form of the last few weeks, looking for yet another one-off evening. it's been good fun. but that is (once again) at an end: i knew he'd been reeling in some nice girl over the past few weeks; evidently the reel was wound right in some time in the last few days, because he brought her to the dinner. I can't work out where i've seen her before. she looks very pleasant and intelligent but just for tonight i couldn't face talking to her.

tomorrow will be some full-blooded tennis against my old women opponents (the ones who belt the cover off the ball); then a half-hearted game against dr. mathematician, who is so many million light years less inspiring than K.

I think i should go out with someone a bit to take my mind off K- but if only it didn't have to be half-done; if only i didn't have to pretend that i like this new bloke a lot more than i actually do.

time for some concentrated work- if i can't be happy in relating to other people, i can at least work hard and produce results. I suppose it's unrealistic to expect a career as well as a family life- but having had a rather cracked up family life all these years, I did rather hope that i wouldn't end up always falling back on work when my social life fails.

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